W I L L A R D I W A N T C A N D I E S N O W !
by MiyukiShinodaMindFreak
Summary: Willard got discharged from the asylum. Nagi sold off her butler Hayate to Isumi. What's in store for Nagi's new butler? Featured guests of the story: The Death Eaters from Harry Potter!


**Note/Disclaimer: Hihi! It's MiyukiShinodaMindFreak again. The alternative title to this one shot fanfic is Hayate The Combat Butler VS Willard VS Harry Potter Series. There was an episode in Hayate The Combat Butler where Nagi sold off Hayate to Isumi and I thought of making a spoof out of it. This story is rated A.I.-Absolute Insanity. I DON'T own any of the characters from those three shows. Thank you. ^^_^^ WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SLIGHT OOC. Don't say I didn't warn ya!**

_The 21st century. The time when almost everyone has got a laptop, iPod, computer and almost whatever IT that us humans desire. However, there was a man named Willard Stiles who got discharged from a mentally ill hospital or asylum or rehab(huh, rehab?) or whatever they call it. Willard needed a job badly to fill up his jaded times and so he began to look around at places, the internet and also newspapers._

_Meanwhile Nagi Sanzenin was pissed off because she had just sold off Hayate to Isumi and she had completely given up on him after a phone call that made a lucid stand that Hayate wasn't interested in her anymore. She called him one night and she could hear Isumi moaning with lust and telling Hayate to throw the phone away. Nagi was rather puzzled about the fact that Isumi was an innocent sweet girl and how in the world-? But it was most probably Hayate had given her pleasure and that Isumi wanted Hayate more than anything else._

_So, Nagi decided to fly all the way to USA to get a new butler just as good as Hayate but probably someone who was stronger and better than Hayate._

Nagi: GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! What the hell is this? There can't only be Hayate who can do this job? Maria, I need more coffee to keep me awake!

Maria: Mistress, this is the third time in just five hours.

Nagi: I'm sooooooo sleepy, Maria. I need something to keep me alive. Can you get me a Redbull please?

Maria: I believe you shouldn't have that too. Would hot cocoa be something that might keep you awake?

Nagi: *pouts* Alright, fine.

_At the other side of town, Willard was walking aimlessly with his suitcase, thinking of his beloved rat Socrates. Suddenly a flyer flew and smacked his face hard._

Willard: Very funny, huh….

_Don't look at me. It just flew to your face. Talk to the props guy. He's controlling the backdrops and the background effects. I'm just a fanfiction author._

Willard: *snatches flyer away from his face and reads it* Hold up, I'll be rich if I can pass this audition to be her butler but wait…..I gotta stay at her house and never leave unless I am permitted to. And it's in Japan? Hmm…

_So, he immediately rushed back home to get ready for the audition and he got his resume too. The next day,_

Nagi: If I don't get anyone from this boring town, then I'm heading to the military camp.

Maria: But mistress-

_The door was swung wide open. Willard, dressed in his best suit accompanied with his suitcase entered the room nervously. He stared at Nagi._

Nagi: *whispers* Am I kidding? He looks weak.

Maria: We shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

Nagi: He's a human. NOT a book.

Maria: Mistress, we shouldn't judge people by how they look.

_Yup, that's right._

Nagi: WHAAAT? You're on her side!

_He's special. Trust me. He will do well for the job. He can even be better than Hayate if you discover his potential butler skills in himself._

Nagi: ….Come closer, Mr…

Willard: Stiles, Willard Stiles.

Nagi: Alright, Stiles-san. *Willard scratches his head* Tell me, what makes you think that you deserve this job?

Willard: I am capable of taking care of you because I have taken care my late mother who's rather needy and I have high tolerance for her. I used to work for a company anyway and I can deal with rats too if you fear them so much.

Nagi: Hmmm…..Do you do street fighting?

Willard: Umm….no.

Nagi: Do you like computer games? Consoles or sorts like that?

Willard: Sounds interesting but I can't seem to afford any of those.

Nagi: Ok. Do you like chocolates?

Willard: Yes.

Nagi: Why do I have to care if he likes chocolates or not?

_Well sweetheart, because I care._

Nagi: _"

Maria: =_="

_Oh come on! Just read whatever shit I've written in your scripts! =]_

Nagi: Do you mind being paid in Yen notes? I'm lazy to convert the currency. I'll give you the special calculator if you REALLY need it.

Willard: I don't mind. But, am I allowed to leave on weekends?

Nagi: *glares at Willard* Nope. Unless I feel like it.

Willard: But-

Nagi: Listen here, this job pays a lot and you're not going to be an ordinary butler to do this job and-

_Suddenly three ninjas crashed into the room via the windows and captured Nagi. She didn't panic but she only requested to be placed down and she did offer quite a sum of money if they let her go. One of them knocked Maria on the head and she fainted. Willard stared at the three ninjas with horror._

Willard: Who are you?

Ninja 1: Shut up and give me the money!

Ninja 2: Give us the money or we'll shoot the girl!

Ninja 3: Yeah, rat man who got bullied by his own boss!

_Willard got fed up being teased for being bullied by his ex-boss and he threw the suit at the ninja and the ninja fainted. He grabbed a chair and fought off the other ninja. The first ninja who kidnapped Nagi pulled out a revolver and pointed at Nagi's head._

Nagi: That hurts you idiot!

Ninja 1: Shut the hell up before this bloody bullet gets in your stupid brain!

Nagi: Oh for gawd's sake!

Willard: Let her go!

Ninja 1: *smirks* Battle me, rat man!

_He lunged at Willard and he threw himself across the room. The ninja held his weapon and tried to poke Willard and thinking quick, Willard-_

Willard: Look there! Big boobs!

Ninja 1: Where? *stares behind him*

_Willard grabbed the weapon and sliced it through the throat and the ninja fell to the ground. He stood up, stared at Nagi. The second ninja stood up and tried to attack Willard but he managed to kick him in the groins and he fell to the ground, giving out an unmanly squeal before fainting._

Nagi: Gosh, you're good! But oh dear…You killed one of them eventhough this is just a test. But who cares!

Willard: So, do you need my resume?

Nagi: YEEESSSS!

Maria: *dizzy* What happened?

Nagi: Nothing much.

_Little did Willard know that his job required more than being a butler and treating Nagi nicely, buying candies for her, cooking, cleaning and other household chores._

Nagi was excited to get the resume and she immediately said-

Nagi: You're mine now! I want candies, NOW!

Willard: Yes, mistress.

_So that day onward, Willard had to carry out whatever the girl wanted or needed. And lucky him because he can manage everyday tasks well he had NO idea that he is bound to fight off some villain one of these days….._

Nagi: MARIA!

Maria: Yes?

Nagi: I've been invited to Hermione Granger's birthday party!

Maria: Who is she?

Nagi: Actually….I don't even know who she is. =_="

Willard: Maybe the invitation got lost.

Nagi: NO WAY! It's written on this card that it's meant for me! It's spelled N-A-G-I S-A-N-Z-E-N-I-N! I'm popular in school and that's why I get invited!

Maria: But you hardly ever attend school.

Willard: True, true.

Nagi: You had to tell the whole world eh, Maria?

_So the three of them when to England where Hermione was turning 19 and threw a big party for wizards and witches. But did she actually invited Nagi?_

Nagi: KYAAA! I know no one here!

Maria: Ummm…..

Willard: Well at least…BEN! *picks up a black rat by the tail* I am SO going to get rid of you once in for all! You made me miserable!

Ron: OI! That's my rat Scabbers! Get your hands off him!

Willard: It's my ex-rat Ben!

Ron: *snatches rat away from Willard* He's mine!

Willard: As if! *punches Ron across the face*

_Oh boy, they're fighting over a rat?_

Ron & Willard: BECAUSE OF YOU!

_I said argue, NOT fight!_

_Suddenly, Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters appeared out of nowhere and some attendants fleed the place and some were prepared to fight him off._

Voldemort: Muahahaha! I shall destroy you all!

Harry: Shit! Not you again! *points wand at him*

Voldemort: *flaps hand dramatically* As if I came here for you, Potter! You're starting to bore the shit outta me! I'm here for the girl!

Harry: *runs over to Hermione* You're not touching her!

Voldemort: *slaps forehead* I wasn't talking about that bitch! I was referring to that Japanese girl! *points at Nagi, who was greedily eating the carrot cake*

Harry: Who the hell is she?

Hermione: Harry, have you seen her before?

Harry: No idea. Did you invite her?

Hermione: I don't think so but oh well…..MORE BUTTERBEER!

_So, everybody pretended as if nothing happened and they continued to drink more butterbeer. Wow Nagi, you do love carrot cakes, eh?_

Nagi: Yeah! It tastes- *a pair of mysterious hands yanked her off the chair around her waist* AAARRRRGGGHHH!

Voldemort: I have got the girl! Come my brothers, let's bring her back to our place!

Bellatrix: Excuse me! I'm a woman here! *glares at Voldemort*

Voldemort: Fine fine! Brothers and sister!

Maria: Mistress! *runs after them but Lucius pushes her violently to the ground*

_Voldemort kidnapped Nagi and dragged her away as she screamed and hit his back as he heaved her over her shoulder. Meanwhile, Ron and Willard were REALLY fighting over the black rat. Oh for Pete's sake gentlemen, enough of this! We've got to reach the climax of the story!_

Ron: Gimme back my Scabbers!

Willard: This is my rat Ben!

Ron: It's SCABBERS!

Maria: Willard! Nagi has been kidnapped!

Willard: WHAT?

Maria: We have to go!

_The both of them instantly left the party and on ethir way out, they found a piece of paper lying on the floor. It had an address written on it along with a name._

Willard: Voldemort's Lair? Who the hell would actually give such a retarded name like this? And what a shame that one of them had to write down the address like a lost little kid!

Maria: I have no idea what this is all about but we better find out!

Maria and Willard were spying

_At Voldemort's place, Nagi and Voldemort played all sorts of games on different consoles such as XBox, Nintendo Wii, PS3, Guitar Hero and other stuff. It seemed that Voldemort had picked up a new hobby to fill his time. A hi tech hobby indeed. Nagi felt odd but she was only interested to defeat him in those games._

_Willard and Maria were at the window, staring at the Death Eaters chilling out and Voldemort smiling happily like a mentally insane person just because he managed to defeat Nagi in a game. So, Willard and Maria stomped in and-_

Willard: Return Nagi back to me!

Voldemort: Baaah,,,,,HUMBUG! I shall never bow down to a muggle to you.

Willard: WTF? What are you talking about? What kind of swear word is that and I've never heard of such word called 'muggle'? =_="

Maria: Ehh…

Nagi: Thank goodness you guys came! I'm getting bored of playing Xbox with this ugly bald noseless old man! He gets upset easily when I defeat him in a game!

_Lord Voldemort commaned his comrades to attack Willard and Maria. Spontaneously, Willard picked up a random metal bar on the ground to defend himself. A death eater was about to put a charm on him but he managed to knock him with the bar._

_The rest were all running after him and Nagi managed to break free from Voldemort's grasp. She started running towards Maria when Lucius appeared out of nowehere, his wand pointing at her._

Lucius: I wouldn't want to hurt a beautiful young girl like you.

Nagi: Tch….

Maria: Please sir, don't harm her.

Lucius: I will not, if you don't do anything stupid.

Nagi: This is soooooo boring!

_Meanwhile, Willard was fighting off the death eaters with the metal bar and he was lucky because the colourful jets shooting out from their wands were deflected elsewhere by the bar and hit other death eaters and objects. As if there was miracle on Willard's side, he suddenly sprang up and did a Bruce Lee kingfu kick and kicked the death eaters flat to the ground._

Willard: Wow, how did I do that? I don't recall attending Tae Kwan Do lessons.

_It's kungfu._

Willard: Sorry, my bad. *stares at a dizzy death eater and karate chops the neck till passes out*

_Sweet moves, Willard! Ganbatte!_

Willard: ….

_Umm, sorry. Back to the story. Nagi and Maria were still facing Lucius' never ending threats and finally Voldemort came in to frighten and threaten the two females._

Voldemort: It would be so much easier if you just give me the girl!

Nagi: Geez old man! I'm tired of always having to hear you grumble and whine like a bitch whenever you lose a game! Grow up!

Lucius: She has a point, master. You complain, whine and grumble whenever you can't kill that Potter boy.

Voldemort: *points wand at Lucius* Avada Kedavra!

_Willard, Nagi and Maria's jaws dropped wide open. They were petrified and frightened of Voldemort. Bellatrix Lestrange waltzed her way to them. She cackled and teased the three of them._

Bellatrix: My oh my, master. You killed Lucius. He shouldn't have said something stupid. *then stares at Willard* Hello there, love. You're looking very naughty tonight.

_That wasn't part of the script, Bellatrix. This is NOT the time for such things._

Bellatrix: *chin up* Well, it doesn't matter. I'd kill the three of them if I have to eventhough it would be a pity to kill the man.

Voldemort: You bitch! We're not supposed to kill the girl! You aren't supposed to kill any of them! I'll kill the man and the French maid!

Bellatrix: *pouts* What the hell? Why do you always get the limelight?

Voldemort: Because….I am….LORD VOLDEMORT you slut!

Bellatrix: *raises wand* Oh no you don't!

_Nagi picked up a rock the size of her palm and threw it at the back of Bellatrix's head and she toppled over on Voldemort and the rock formed a huge dent at the back of her head, blood spurting down her dress. Her wand flew out of her hand and landed near Nagi's foot and she threw it to Willard. The man caught it and turned to Voldemort._

Willard: Avada Kedavra!

_A bright jet of black light sparked out from the wand and directly hit Voldemort's face and he fell to the ground. The three of them stared at each other with surprise. They wondered how they could actually defended themselves from a gang of powerful wizards and witches._

Nagi: Wow.

Maria: That was something.

Willard: Gosh, we should get out of here.

_Nagi hugged Willard, feeling very grateful to have found an awesome butler like him._

Nagi: Thanks for protecting me. Now let's get some fish and chips! I'm hungry!

_The three of them exited the mansion and they purchased fish and chips and ate somewhere in Trafalgar Square. People were ogling at them but they couldn't be bothered. Their clothes were dirty and their faces were covered with dirt and some of them also had traces of blood stained on their clothes._

_Back in Japan, Nagi silently woke up. It was a Monday and she was too lazy to go to school, as usual. She crept out of her bedroom and walked down the hallway silently. As she passed one of the bathrooms, she heard him singing 'Don't Cha' by Pussycat Dolls. She felt odd that a man like him was singing a girly song. She crept silently inside and noticed that he was showering while singing. Grinning evilly, she grabbed his fresh clothes and towel and quickly sped off to the library._

Willard: *steps out of the shower* Something's not right…..

_Cricket sound effect._

Willard: *scratches head* OMG! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY CLOTHES? And where's the towel?

_Geez, it took you some time to notice that something's missing._

Willard: *face turns red* It's NOT funny! I'm gonna have to walk naked and when I find out who's doing this, I'm so gonna strangle that bastard!

_So, he bravely got out of the bathroom and ran down the hallway. Maria was dusting a China vase when a flash of light passed her. She turned to look and her eyes widened at the sight of Willard bare and nude._

Maria: Will- *faints on the ground and the duster fell next to her*

Willard: Wait till I find that bastard!

_He passed the library and noticed that the door was slightly opened. He entered it and saw Nagi sketching at the window. He grabbed a book to cover his crotch._

Willard: Mistress! There's a perverted burglar stealing my clothes and towel! Do you have any idea who that person might be?

Nagi: *turns to look at him* ! I see London, I see Paris, I see Tokyo-

Willard: IT'S NOT FUNNY! We have to find that thief!

_Due to Willard's loud roar, the clothes and towel which were plastered on the ceiling(strangely, I have NO idea what the hell Nagi was doing) fell on top of Nagi's head due to the huge soundwave produced by the vibration of Willard's roar. Her laughter began to fade away. She gave an innocent look at Willard._

Nagi: *gives her best angelic smile* Oops! I dunno who plastered them on the ceiling.

_Without wasting a moment, she screamed and ran away from Willard. The angry man chased the girl around the mansion and Maria never woke up until the next day._

Maria: Wh-what happened?

Nagi: I'm being forced to go to school for a week and I'm being refrained from eating candies for a week too. I've been punished by Willard.

Maria: Willard?

Willard: Don't ask.

T H E. E N D.

Finite! I was being silly when I wrote this. I was so spontaneous writing so much about Voldemort after watching Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1. So, what do you think? The little button down this page looks as tempting as a Belgian choc. =]


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